Los Angeles, CA–Shock waves have ripped through City Hall as LA Mayor Eric Garcetti admits to being a hipster.
The revelation came after a secret video recording in Echo Park overhears Garcetti’s 4 year old daughter, Maya Juanita, repeatedly calling him “Eric” and not “Dad.”
Allegedly, Maya Juanita said, “would you please buy me a bacon-wrapped hot dog, Eric?” Followed by “make it quick, Eric. I don’t have all day.”
The Mayor seemed happy to oblige and did not correct her, according to reports.
Santiago Martinez, an LA resident, told The Grawn that his little girl saw the incident and it immediately changed her. “Before she would always call me Papi,” says Martinez. “But when she witnessed the incident, she changed. I just became Santiago to her and it hurts. Sometimes when she’s mad, she gives me a cold-blooded stare and calls me Santee.”
Others, however, were not as shocked.
LA City Councilman Jose Huizar, himself a Princeton grad and occasional vegan, quipped: “I should have seen it coming. I mean, I consider myself pretty cultured, but what kind of a man knows EVERY lyric to Les Miserables?”
City Council President Herb Wesson agrees. “The truth was always there, but we just refused to believe it. His bright colored socks, knowledge of obscure French movies, and love of trashy romance novels should have given it away. Despite his tight Naval haircut and freshly shaven baby face, I always knew deep down he was just a preppy Dan Bilzerian.”
In response to the allegations, the Mayor posted a grainy picture of himself on Instagram wearing skinny jeans with the caption, “It’s true. And I’m sorry.”
Political Satire by Robert Carpenter
