Let’s face it! Anything can happen to cause a zombie apocalypse. This is Downtown. Zombie germs could be floating around in the air right now! If this is ever the case… Downtown Weekly knows just how to survive…
Stiff drinks…underground caverns…high rise communes – you name it – During a zombie raid civilization as we know it just got more lively – not the other way around.
We’re not going to sugar coat this, folks. Zombies are relentless. They are quick. They are nasty and they stink. You may have to run, hide, lure them or stand your ground. Lucky for everyone Downtown Weekly is here to help. #SurvivingDTLA
You’ll need a safe place to hide…
One – The Edison
By now we’ve all seen George C Romero’s Night Of the Living Dead, where a small group of people barricades themselves in a basement to protect each other from being eaten alive. Well, DTLA has a slew of basement bars and one of our first choices to hide from zombies is The Edison. Located in the old boiler room of the Higgins Building, this popular speakeasy-themed nightclub with the entrance in an alleyway, is so well hidden, zombies will definitely have trouble finding it. In the meantime, we live patrons will be partying it up down below amongst The Edison’s historic fixtures, DJs, live bands and some very fleshy Cabernet acts. www.edisondowntown.com
Two – Alamo Draft House
If you fall asleep inside of the Bloc’s Alamo Draft House’s comfy movie theaters as did the teenagers in Thom Eberhardt’s Night Of the Comet and wake up in a Zombie Vortex, know there have been at least a couple of movie scripts where malls have kept a few straggling humans alive. You’ll be okay as long as you keep quiet and try not to stand out. That is until the zombies figure out Dolemite and the Joker are playing and brake down the doors to get inside. The Bloc also offers plenty of clothing, beauty supplies and delicious foods to choose from to help you look and feel your best. Even zombies know when it comes to any meal — presentation is everything. www.drafthouse.com
Three – Intercontinental Hotel
When society is eroding all around you, as it was in Danny Boyle’s 28 Days Later, it’s best to take the high road. So, if you wake up from a coma after a hard night of drinking and find DTLA completely deserted, just know we all checked ourselves into the Intercontinental Hotel. Not only are we enjoying spacious rooms, gourmet restaurants and signature cocktails, we’re also completely safe 73 stories high on their rooftop disco getting our groove on. Zombies don’t dance they boogie! So live it up on the top of the world for as long as you can. www.dtla.intercontinental.com
Four – GoMetro!!!
Anyone who’s seen Sang-ho Yeon’s Train to Busan will tell you. A train is the safest place to be during a zombie epidemic. Metro is always reliable and their conductors are fearless. Also, zombies don’t use tap cards and Metro police have been cracking down on that. Once you board the train you should be able to relax and plan your new life – after the fall of society. You can ride from Chinatown to USC taking in the sites of mayhem. Visit www.metro.net for a schedule and complete list of routes throughout LA. www.metro.net
Lure them! They are natural re-born followers…
Five – Preux & Proper
Wes Craven’s Serpent and Rainbow, set in the voodoo camps of Haiti, showed us just how much zombies loved to eat! Ask any zombie what we taste like and they will probably tell you we “taste just like chicken”.
That’s why we recommend you use the double bike lane to ride your electric scooters down to Spring and 9th for some of Preux & Proper’s delicious SouthCity Fried Chicken Sandwiches. Now serving Monday – Saturday from 11-4 pm, there are five chicken sandwiches to choose from plus a variety of salads, fried pickles, mac and cheese, and so much more. Not to mention more than a few drinks that can raise the dead and inspire the living. Plus, y’all know P&P got that Cocktail Juju. www.preuxandproper.com
Six – Pershing Square
Edgar Write’s Shaun of the Dead was one of the first movies to show just how funny zombies can be. Seriously though, you’ll need to run fast to get away from zombies in DTLA. Or do you? If you can make it to Pershing Square you’ll find Bai Holiday Ice Rink may be the slickest way to avoid their contagious bite. Zombies have terrible coordination and the ice rink will keep them slipping and sliding for hours. Zombie spills and falls will be so funny you can sit back and watch them die laughing. www.holidayicerinkdowntownla.com
Run Like Hell!
Seven – Robeks DTLA
Energy! Let’s face it. Some of us DTLA dwellers are out of shape! In video games like Shinji Mikami and Tokuro Fujiwara‘s Resident Evil you never run out of lives or out of energy. Such is not the case here in DTLA. Here, you only have one living body to protect and that body needs nutrients to run and jump, slash, burn, stab, shoot and bludgeon. If you find yourself out of energy during a DTLA zombie soiree we suggest heading over to Southpark’s favorite new juice bar, Robeks DTLA. Energize with any of Robeks fruit blends or take in an Açaí Bowl if you like. Tag DTLAWEEKLY and ROBEKSDTLA with a picture of your Smoothie for a free $10 Robeks Gift Card. www.robeks.com
Stand Your Ground!
Eight – The Historic Core & LA Zombie Crawl
This season’s adaptation of Robert Kirkland’s Walking Dead is showing yah if you can’t beat em – join em. The Whisperers not only disguise themselves as zombies they can talk the talk and walk the walk. In the Historic Core, when there’s little hope left for a civil society, why not just extend our weekend routine by Zombie Walking the Spring Street Strip disguised as zombies!!! Every year in October, LA Zombie Crawl is where you’ll find hundreds of local zombies and 15 bars oozing with drink specials for anyone ready to toast with the dead. www.lazombiecrawl.com
Nine and Ten – LA Gun Club & Ross Cutlery
We turned to GrindHouse directors Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez to give us advice when it came down to physical combat with DTLA Zombies. Tarantino leaned more to the automatic firearm side while Rodriguez leaned more towards using heavy, sharp objects. So, our conclusions were to take a little trip to the LA Gun Club in the Arts District every once in a while to freshen up on your sharpshooting skills. www.losangelesgunclub.com
Tighten your grip and knife throwing skills too. In DTLA we have machetes, razors, scissors, butcher knives, you name it. You’ll do good to stock up plus all of these shiny, sharp, zombie slicing items are on display at Ross Cutlery on Broadway. www.rossculterly.com
